YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i dont even know how to be here
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
