Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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