her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize