Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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