You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
