She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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