i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
