You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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