I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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