oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
