You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
be right there i have to get my cape
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize