I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
