Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
