Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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