all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
