this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
