i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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