True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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