Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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