Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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