I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
