people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
