i was rollin on her like bob the builder
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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