i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
