I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Did I show you my penis last night?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
