dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
