Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
