Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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