tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
