i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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