last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
