He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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