So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
