Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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