What did we do last night that was yellow?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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