thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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