Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize