If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
