Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
