I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
