Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
