Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
