last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
