mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
