Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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