It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize