just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
