ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
