happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
