When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
