i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
