i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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