I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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