Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
