On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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