Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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