too bad you live with your parents still
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
