I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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