counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize