I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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