so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
True strength comes from lack of pants
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
