i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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