I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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