I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize