did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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