I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
