trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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