Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
