he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i love accidental penises.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
