What a fucking waste of an outfit
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
