i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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