my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Acid is not a monday night drug
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
