I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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