And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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