If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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