a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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