You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
