just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize